Operating from a position of blame or change?

white carnation72
tex­ture by Kim Klassen: 3003 hard light at 60%

When you blame others, you give up your power to change.
~Author Unknown

It’s not my fault.

How many times have we heard that excuse? How many times have we used that excuse?

Why is it so hard to own up to our part of a mis­for­tune that has hap­pened to us? Outside of a nat­ural dis­aster, random act of vio­lence or ill­ness, we’re rarely 100% inno­cent when some­thing rocks our world. Is it our way of dis­tancing our­selves from the sit­u­a­tion? Do we think blaming someone else absolves us from fur­ther respon­si­bility to make the sit­u­a­tion better? Are we posi­tioning our­selves to for­ever be the martyr for when bad things happen to us in the future?

The only thing blaming others does is allow us to give up con­trol of the sit­u­a­tion. So the ques­tion becomes, do we really want to be in con­trol of our des­tiny? Because if we say, yes, I want to be in con­trol of my life, then we have to be willing to embrace change.…a change in atti­tudes; a change in per­spec­tives; a change in actions.


Whoa. Wait. I never said I was the one who needed to change. THAT person is the one who needs to change.

The blame game is easy and oh so much fun to play. It allows us to never admit fault. It jus­ti­fies any action we want to take in response to a sit­u­a­tion. Not owning up to our part allows us to act any way we damn well choose.…because, of course, it’s not our fault. We’re only reacting to some­thing someone else has already done.

Don’t like school? Blame your teachers.
Don’t like your job? Blame your boss/coworkers.
Don’t like your finan­cial sit­u­a­tion? Blame everyone else.
Don’t like your life? Blame your parents/spouse/children.

Our past cer­tainly has an impact on the type of person we are today. But our past has absolutely no bearing on the type of person we have the poten­tial to be tomorrow. That deci­sion is 100% our respon­si­bility, and no one else’s. And how that person acts is 100% our deci­sion. No one can force us to act or think a cer­tain way. It’s a con­scious deci­sion we make based on how we want to face the future…not in response to the past.

One of my favorite movies is Elizabethton in which Claire has a refreshing approach to life. To recap: Drew Baylor (Orlando Bloom) has been fired from his job for a mis­take that cost the com­pany almost a bil­lion dol­lars. Then, his girl­friend hands him his walking papers. He feels like an epic failure and is con­tem­plating sui­cide when he receives a call from his estranged sister that his father just died. He travels to Elizabethton and, while on the plane en route from California, he meets flight atten­dant Claire Colburn (Kirsten Dunst). Their paths con­tinue to cross in Elizabethton and he whines con­fesses how life has dealt him one bad hand after another. Through Claire’s opti­mistic philoso­phies, Drew learns some valu­able life lessons and is reminded about what’s really impor­tant to him.

“You have five min­utes to wallow in the deli­cious misery. Enjoy it, embrace it, dis­card it…and pro­ceed.” ~Claire Colburn

Take five min­utes for that pity party. Then, it’s time to stop blaming others, own it and decide whether you want to operate from a posi­tion of blame.….or a posi­tion of pos­i­tive, opti­mistic change.

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  1. I learned sev­eral years ago that I had to own my screw-ups and that when I did I got a much more pos­i­tive response from others. Life became so much easier after that.

  2. Excellent quote. I liked that movie!

  3. The past cannot be changed. It is fixed. So, blaming others for what has already hap­pened is an exer­cise in futility. Taking own­er­ship is a sign of matu­rity. The only person I have the power to change is me.

    My family (parental-sibling) is very messy. I can’t say I am unaf­fected by that. Some of my thinking and behavior was shaped by it or was a reac­tion to it. Some of the chaos is ongoing. Indirectly, it always affects me. People want me to take sides. I am learning that I can choose to sup­port or not sup­port someone. I am learning that I am not respon­sible for the way another person feels. I was always afraid of being blamed — for dis­ap­pointing someone or hurting their feel­ings, etc. I do not have to accept blame that isn’t deserved. (The other side of the coin.)

    Another great and thought-provoking post :)

  4. Our past cer­tainly has an impact on the type of person we are today. But our past has absolutely no bearing on the type of person we have the poten­tial to be tomorrow. That deci­sion is 100% our respon­si­bility, and no one else’s.”

    Absolutely, Lisa!

    I’m a big believer, espe­cially when it comes to our upbringing and choices that were made for us by our par­ents that may not have been the best choices, that it’s up to US to learn from those choices. But we can’t learn from those choices if we keep blaming others and wal­lowing in it.

    I told my mother a few weeks before she died, when she had a lot regrets about the some of the choices she made as a parent, that every choice she made was the choice she was sup­posed to make. And it was up to ME, to learn from them…which I did…so I thanked her because I grew. And told her not to die regret­ting any choice she made.

    Great post! Beautiful photo and quote!

  5. Oh, my! This is a great phi­los­ophy. As our daughter was growing up, every time she’d come home whining about school or a friend or what­ever, my hus­band would look at her and say, ‘So. What are you going to do about it?’

  6. I agree with you. It never helps to place blame. The best thing is to figure out what your part in the problem is and do your best to change you. nice post.

  7. Great post, dito quotes, and last but not least I love the flower images and the way you’ve added the texture!

    Have a won­derful weekend.

  8. Absolutely fan­tastic post, Lisa.
    Thank you.
    Have a won­derful weekend!

  9. Loved reading your post, so true ! As my hus­band is always saying “no one is account­able any more, the blame is always put on someone/something else “.

    Your photo is just simply beau­tiful !
    Visiting from Friday Finds :)

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